Sorry!

I know that it has been awhile since I have posted and my goal was to make this a daily blog, but last week was INSANE! I will spare all of you the details, but it involved totaling my car, a rumor of a gun in the school, a completely new curriculum, drinks and mingling with coworkers, buying a new car, spending time with friends and most importantly, spending time with family.

I want to talk about the insane amount of knowledge I have gained in these last few weeks. When I was training to become a teacher, I was told and taught that all kids are capable of learning and that some are just lazy and don't want to. That couldn't be farther from the truth. Let me tell you a story. Tuesday when all of my students came back from their long weekend, I informed them that we would be writing a persuasive letter to the administration. They didn't necessarily have to mail it to the admin, but they would have that opportunity if they chose to do it. A student of mine (let's call him Bobby), is usually very excited to learn. He's usually engaged and ready for class to begin. However, something was different with Bobby on Tuesday. I couldn't get his attention, couldn't get him to answer me and I could tell that no information was registering with him. I finally walked over to the cabinet where I keep all of the journals and grabbed his. I said to him "I don't know what is going on and I don't have to know, but you can always write it down to get it off of your chest." When he looked up at me, I saw a tear start to form in the corner of his eye. Bobby wrote in his journal for 45 minutes. When he handed me his journal, he asked me to read his entry, rip it up and try and understand him. I won't go into details about what was in that journal entry, but there is one thing I can tell you. Bobby couldn't learn that day. There was no possible way that with all of those things going through his mind he could possible process any additional information. Bobby wanted to learn. He wanted those things out of his head, but it just wasn't possible. Most teachers would have kicked Bobby out of class or failed him on his assignment and I'm not going to act like I wasn't frustrated, but I'm glad I gave him a chance.

These kids aren't lazy. They are brilliant young people who have a ton of shit in their lives. They go home to a neighborhood where they don't feel safe. They come to a school where they are looked at like delinquents. They live in a society where nobody wants to give them a chance. I can't imagine ever doing that to these kids. Are there days when I want to quit my job and give up? Of course there are. Are there days when I want to give up on certain students because the challenge is just too much? Yes. But the difference is that I would never do that. I won't walk away from them, I won't give up on helping them make their dreams come true. I've fallen in love with a group of kids that most people can't stand. I've created a relationship with people who have little to no love in their lives at all. I've gotten close with a student who brought a gun to school last year because he was afraid his little brother was going to get hurt after school. I have created a classroom family who knows that I would do anything for them and they would do the same in return. I have students who are usually called selfish and self- centered threaten to beat up whoever it was that put those bruises on me (they were from my car accident). I have the most amazing students in the world and everyone else would realize that if they would just give them a chance.

These kids aren't lazy and they do want to learn, they're just waiting for you to teach them.

There's a First for Everything

As I put together my classrooms and things started falling into place, I realized that all of my "firsts" were slowly being checked of the list. The big one that I was looking forward to was my first day as a real high school teacher. I had played so many different scenarios in my head about what the first day would be like and had practiced what brilliant things I would say to my students that would change their lives. Let's just say the things that happened in my head, didn't exactly happen in the classroom.

It was 6:50 am and I was standing in the commons waiting for my first group of students to show up. I had dreamed that we would have this amazing first day that none of them would ever forget! Half of them showed up about 20 minutes late, a quarter of them didn't even show up and the ones who were there, weren't there mentally. I was excited and nervous and they were just plain tired. I guess after being told over and over again that you can't succeed and that you're wasting your time, your view of school is pretty shot. These are my kids. I have two types of students. The "Blue" students and the "Gold" students. One group is there because they have fallen behind and the other group is there because they've been expelled. Both groups have been left behind and forgotten by the teachers who want to teach the kids who are "worthy" of their time and effort. I knew I had to change my approach. These students needed someone they could trust and someone who was willing to be there for them. They needed the assurance that I wasn't going to give up on them.

So, I changed my pace. I started talking about achieving greatness and being the best we can be. I talked about having people turn their backs in the most desperate time of need. I promised them that I would never be that person. I gave them journals and I told them that I would accept nothing less than their best. I told them that I would give them the tools they needed to succeed, but ultimately it is up to them whether or not they choose to use those tools properly. I showed them that I am not perfect and I showed them that I would always respect each of them as individuals. I stopped putting on a show and started being real. I spoke from my heart instead of from a piece of paper I had written the night before. Then and only then, did they respond. The kids that everyone had labeled as the "bad" kids were some of the kindest, most interactive kids I'd ever seen. These kids have been misunderstood their entire lives and it was time that they finally get what they truly deserve: someone who cares and is willing to stay up for hours trying to find things that will help them succeed and feel like the great kids I see in them every day.

"When one door closes, God opens a window"

Welcome to my blog! I have decided to document my first year of teaching by posting daily to this blog. I want to be able to look back on this year and remember when it all started. This is a place for me to express my struggles, successes, fears, failures, trials, hurdles, tribulations, "ah- hah!" moments and many other things. I hope those of you who are reading will enjoy my stories of my first year as a high school English teacher.

It was a Sunday evening in August around 7:30 pm when my mom and I were discussing my future. It had been a long summer of exhausting interviews from one end of Illinois to the other. I had decided I would move home and sub for a year and try the job market again. When my phone rang and I didn't recognize the number, I thought I'd ignore it. Who would be calling me on a Sunday night from a number I didn't know? As I stared at the number, I felt something strange. I needed to answer this call. When I picked up the phone, a woman on the other end was calling to ask if I'd be interested in an interview. I knew she must have been desperate, because it's not every day that a principal calls on a Sunday night to schedule interviews. I agreed to the interview and felt one last piece of hope in the pit of my stomach. At this point I had applied to over 85 jobs and had interviewed at around 25 of them. I had to look up where I would be interviewing because I had no idea what the woman was talking about. As I googled Woodruff Career and Technical Center in Peoria, I got a result that I was not expecting; WCTC would be the new alternative program for all of Peoria. I had never been so excited about an interview as I was for this one.

I pulled into the parking lot of WCTC around 40 minutes before my interview. Those of you who know my mother, I get my early arrival gene from my dad ;). As I sat in the parking lot staring at this huge school before me, I found myself talking to my dad. As most of you know, he passed away 10 years ago and is one of my biggest inspirations. Something happened in that car that night. I was no longer a recent college graduate who was desperate for a job and terrified of what was lying ahead; I was a woman who was passionate about teaching those in need and I was going to make myself known. As I sat in front of Mrs. Duke, I awaited the question that I had been asked so many times before: "So, why teaching?" The words that came out of my mouth were so true and so raw and for the first time, I knew I had nailed it.

I got the call that I had been hired at 9:30am the next morning. The next two weeks would be the busiest, craziest 2 weeks of my entire life. I found an apartment, I had training from 8-1 every day, I moved furniture, I prepared 3 classrooms and got to know the most amazing co-workers ever. My life had finally begun and school hadn't even started yet.